Friday, October 22, 2010

The Pet Poop Police

Contrary to what would normally seem obvious, NYC sidewalks aren't made of concrete. They're made of centuries-worth of layers of a dog shit. New Yorkers let their canines crap anywhere.

Those days = Over.

Introducing a new agency in Homeland Security:

The Pet Poop Police.

Or more uncleverly known as PPP.
Do not call them the Poo-leese.

First we'll start a DNA registry of all dogs at:

The Department of Dog DNA.

For lack of options, also known as the DDD...yet another agency in Homeland Security.

Dog DNA will be collected at pet purchase or birth and saved in a supercomputer database at DDD headquarters.


Register your canine. Or be fined.


Whenever there's unpicked poop on pedestrian premises, the PPP agent takes a sample of the pungent poo and sends it to the DDD. The DDD traces the doo doo dung directly to the dog owner, and fines them the amount it'd cost to keep them in jail for a month...while keeping them in jail for a month. With their dog.

If you're caught in the act of non-poopscoopianism, your dog will be lightly sauteed in garlic butter and fed to the homeless.

1 comment:

  1. O_O YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE SUCKAS! OR SHOULD I SAY..... THE POO-LICE!!!!!

    ReplyDelete