Thursday, December 20, 2007

Gaytime TV. Can I say gay?

School is out for the holidays. So I came home early today and did something I haven't done in so long. I turned on the TV.

There was a show on called This reality show has detectives with cameras following around a supposedly cheating mate. Then the person being cheated on jumps out of a van when the cheater is with the other person and proceeds to cry, yell or beat someone up. Of course this is being egged on by this very concerned host who just wants to help people find solutions. Strange how slow the security guards are to stop the pummeling. I just wanted to spray Tilex in the host's face. Why do they call them hosts, when they're more like the parasite?

Then I noticed the commercials. I'm in advertising, so I keep an eye on such things. Okay, no, I don't. But I did notice all the commercials in daytime TV are geared towards the lazy, the elderly and the injured.

For the lazy people, you have the commercials trying to get you to make your credit worse by paying tuition to some low-life "accredited" institution that'll show you how to be a nurse's assistant.
Do you think I'm going to fucking go to college to learn how to assist a fucking nurse?!!! Isn't the nurse the assistant to the doctor? So I'm a certified assistant's assistant!? As if all my life I've dreamt of being a nurse's assistant. It's just as good as being a doctor, just without the law suits, prestige, respect and high paying salary.

Then the elderly. Do you need more mobility? Well, fuck yeah! My good for nothing kids won't come visit me and the media shoves Bob Barker (who unlike me, is my age and can walk and shit by himself and get laid) down my throat all day. No wonder I'm fucking crazy and think the world sucks. And the Judge shows. Hey, let's see which poor white trash redneck or high ranking member of the Ghettoise plaintiff will win $500 from a defendant to get a fresh start in life. Things are looking up from here. To celebrate we're going to the strip club tonight! And I'll spend the rest on that nurse's assistant program.

Then the injured. If I'm sitting in this bed injured after a car accident and I don't have a lawyer by now, then I'm too stupid to know how badly the Dick & "Ass"ociates ambulance chasers are going to fuck me over. Hey, my spine is severed in twenty-seven places, but after lawyer, hospital and living expenses, I have $5000 leftover to spend on this new accredited college to learn courtroom stenography. And exit the life of the Ghettropolis. After I hit up the strip clubs with my boys! And maybe get a nice pair of spinning rims on my Geo Metro. I'm ballin, dog!



  1. Dude I don't know what you are on, but seriously Cheaters is the greatest show on TV since springer or Maury's 'You are not the father!' epidsodes. Cheaters is edge of your seat thrilling real human drama and I love it!

  2. I hate daytime television. And I've always wondered if the only people who suffer from accidents are the unemployed.

  3. Daytime television is depressing. I'd like a lawyer to help me in my case against a lazy old person that fell asleep at the wheel of their Rascal and ran over my dog.

  4. Art imitates life... life doesnt imitate art... so in return this is what ya get...

    wowozers *snapping my fingers*